This will change your life...
How often have you heard that?
Why is it that you want a change, but it doesn't happen in the end?
Why does is it scary to change?
You know you need to end a work contract, move house, or country, or go on a journey alone.
But you can’t do it.
You want to talk to your boss to tell him you’re leaving
but.. don't get the words out.
You want to tell your parents you have bought a single ticket to Asia.
Instead, you tell them: "Of course I will be there for Christmas."
Why does that happen?
And how can you get yourself to take the next step?
Why does your body tell you that this isn’t right?
Why do you paralyze, can’t get the words out, stumble and say nothing in the end?
Because your subconscious wants everything to stay the same.
You think your uncomfortable feelings of change are signs that you shouldn't go through with it.
I hear you thinking:
"It feels like this is a bad decision the moment I want to go for it."
"How can you trust everything will turn out fine?"
First of all. A change will happen anyways. Even if you try for it not to happen.
(Everything is always changing, even if you don't 'do' anything to make that happen).
It is going to be so much more empowering and liberating when you take action after you’ve gotten your insights.
(The moment you KNOW you need to go on that journey, leave that job, etc)
Because these kind of insights are big ones and they are important.
They are the kind of decision that help you grow and evolve into more of who you are. And that is huge.
Get over doubt, worry, and procrastination
So WHY do the fear and the resistance feel so real?
To explain that we need to dive deep in the workings of your brain and your subcionscious.
Your reptile brain (the oldest part of your brain) wants to keep you safe.
This goes back to when we were living in tribes. Back then, it would be dangerous to be kicked out of your tribe and left alone.
Because being alone meant your death.
You needed the tribe to survive the hunting tigers, to get enough to eat and to stay warm when it was freezing cold.
Although we don't depend on tribes that much anymore, your reptile brain still kicks in when it perceives danger.
Which means, when it thinks you will be alone and kicked out of your family, friend circle or relationship.
For the first time of your life, you go travel for a year. You’ve been dreaming about spending a year in Costa Rica, and now you finally take the step.
This makes you feel empowered and confident. You’re not complaining anymore about the cold weather and the job you hate. This sounds all positive, why should your reptile brain protect you from this?
This is where the subconscious comes in.
In your subconscious, you hold belief systems. For example, ‘If I am happy and successful people will hate me.’
You learned these somewhere in you your life:
For example. In primary school scored the best grades of your class. Your teacher praised you for it. But your friends Jenn and Susan told you that they didn’t like you because you 'were arrogant'. And since they were the ‘cool kids’ in the group, nobody would talk to you anymore.
This taught you that you’d better not stand out because it means you’d left alone.
Which activates your reptile brain, that thinks that you are dying.
So it will keep you from it.
It will paralyze you when you want to tell your boss you quit.
It will make you say "Yes I'll be here for Christmas".
It will make you feel sick and stay home when you should really be going to that one networking event.
What to do about it?
1. Be aware of what's happening
Recognize this ‘system’. When you feel scared, or start sabotaging yourself, it is because of a part of your brain thinks you are in life danger. Then breath through it, and let your body and mind know that you are safe.
I like to remind myself of the here and now, and ask myself; ‘Is there any problem right now?’. Not in the future, not in the past, not in the mind of another person, right here and right now. The answer is always no. Everything is fine in this very instance. And there is nothing else like that. now, now-now. Stay with that.
2. Remind yourself of this universal truth: everything is energy.
And energy needs to flow if else it stagnates.
Holding on to the past or to fears creates stagnation. Moving through the fears, the emotions and the uncomfortable feelings creates flow.
Surrender, to what is, to what needs to move through.
3. Know that everything you desire already exists.
It will put you in a natural state of surrender.
This is a key point!
Your body-mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what you imagine to be real. By imagining yourself as if what you want to happen already happened to you, you literally become a different person.
More on this next week. In the next article, I go into details on how to do this.
Stay tuned for that one!
And in the meantime... let me know in the comments how you deal with change.
Do you recognize these uncomfortable feelings I am talking about?
And how do move through them?
Share your best practice with us!